The Smart Traffic Cops of Hyderabad

I was going home from work when this happened. There’s this busy junction at SP Road near Begumpet. During rush hours, like most of the roads around, this one too sees bumper-to-bumper traffic. At the signal therefore, the only things on commuters’ minds is to get away asap. But our Hyderabad Traffic Police seems to have turned this mad rush to get away into a money making opportunity. Here’s how it works:

Signal goes Green, commuters rush to get past the ‘Stop Line’. As the timer on the signal nears zero, this rush turns into a mad scramble. People behave as if getting past the signal is the single purpose of their lives. That’s when the cop strikes. He raises his hands and signals the vehicles to a halt even though there are a few seconds remaining (in this case more than 10). He pretends he did that to allow pedestrians cross the road. A farce considering that they would have been able to do so without a problem after just a few seconds. By this time though, some vehicles are half-way over the stop line, the signal has gone red. The victim has been trapped. The cop then proceeds to do the usual checking and noting down the vehicle number on a piece of paper, and comes down to business immediately since the clock will reach zero again very soon. He tries to get whatever he can out of the motorist and then allows them to go. The motorist is happy that he has got away from the cop, the cop is happy that he has got some money for chai pani and I was left bewildered for the rest of my journey home.

The New Internet Shorthand

I regularly read the blog of David Pogue, a tech reviewer on the New York Times. He comes up with some interesting observations about the technology around us, although most of it revolves around the USA, understandably so.

In his latest post, Pogue presents the new set of Internet shorthand or acronyms–on the lines of the now regular lol, AFAIK, IMHO–that he feels will be used in the near future while the older ones will be shunned. Though, again, most of them cover things “American”, some are interesting:

GI — Google it

GGNUDP — gotta go, no unlimited data plan

SML — send me the link

RHB — read his/her blog

KYST — knew you’d say that

WDO? — what are you doing online?

DYMK? — does your mother know?

Personally I never liked using LOL, I am quite sure no one really laughs out loud when they say that. But the others like BRB (be right back), TTYL (talk to you later), AFAIK (As Far As I know), are quite useful and help in reducing time spent on typing them out. For those who are not aware of the full list of Internet shorthand, here is the list.

About emails, chats and couples

I was debating about this today. My point was that important issues related to the future of two people together need to be discussed in person and other options like email and chat get no where near in terms of the effect when compared. They are at best, poor substitutes I feel. Things usually boil down to discussing petty issues like the weather etc., but they can get really funny/useless/absurd too like, what was for breakfast today? how was it? did you like it? Now getting to know the other person better might be the whole intention of this activity, but this kind of an exchange is nothing short of waste of time. I do believe that the maturity of the two persons involved plays a major role in the ratio of absurd talk to sensible talk, but not being face to face plays an even major role.

My views might be influenced by the fact that I have never been in a position where email and chat are the most accessible means of communication…and I know some people who would want to crucify me for placing that argument. Well, I can’t help it, can I?

Awaiting brickbats packaged in philosophies.

How to Make Sourav-da Run?

India’s below par performance in yesterday’s ODI against England had a few typical Indian traits: dropped catches, misfields, loose deliveries and poor running between the wickets. When you talk about poor running with respect to India, Sourav Ganguly’s name flashes first in the brains of many Indian cricket fans, myself included. Dada believes in hitting boundries, sixes; and takes a single once in a while. Unfortunately, when the fielding side does as well as England yesterday, this strategy seems to fail. More so, when the total you are chasing is high. This was evident yesterday, when on the one hand you the Englishmen backing-up way down the track just after the bowler’s backfoot landed during his delivery stride, Souravda refused to take a step forward even after the ball was delivered and this was true of the whole innings.

Making Dada take cheeky / quick singles, convert ones into two and so on, must be the most difficult of tasks for any coach / manager, and I sympathise with the poor souls. In way, though, I do not blame dada for this. The poor man has been run out and has ran out his partners so many times that may be he just tries to be super-careful. But we can’t let this continue, can we? Somethings gotta be done.

Here are a few of my humble suggestions to make this rather impossible task possible:

Threaten himTell him that Chappellda is making a comeback as the Indian coach, if he does not run properly ( this might make many other Indian players run helter-skelter screaming, though). If this does not work, try threatning him with the photo of Bhojwood* superstar, Nagma all over the stadium if he does not take singles or back-up.

Bribe him

Place a plate of his favourite Hyderabadi Biryani at the other end

Preserve his energy

Don’t make him field in the deep, especially on big grounds like Birmingham, like they did yesterday. This makes him lose vital energy which is not advisable for a man his age

This is all I could come up with as of now. If you have any suggestion(s), please feel free to share.

*a term coined by me in the spirit of Bollywood, tollywood etc. for Bhojpuri films

A Letter to the Terrorists

Dear Terrorist(s),

Hope you are doing well. Congratulations on the successful execution of the bomb blasts in Hyderabad. I hope you keep doing your job the same way in the many more years to come. And I really do not see any one getting in your way, least the government. Because, you see, our government is not intelligent enough to know where exactly you are going to execute the blast. It is not even competent enough to take warnings seriously and tighten the security at public places. See what our Home Minister had to say when he was asked about the intelligence inputs received prior to the blast:

“We had bits of information, but we didn’t know when and where it would happen,”

I am sure this makes you feel really happy.

The government has now made sure that every time I visit a public place in the future I will have to take care of myself. Yet, I will be paying for the security of the Chief Minister. He will now have 338 people guarding him. But he is not your target, is he? So you need not worry. I request you to keep planning new ways to kill us, there really are a lot of us who would be interested in dying at your hands. We gather in huge numbers at the slightest of provocations, for eg, at parks on weekends, at Cinema Halls on most of the days, bus stops, railway stations, places of worship etc.

So, here’s wishing you all the success in the future.

Your possible future victim,

Akhil